I read a board recently on polygamy and it's relevance and contributions to today's socio-economic development and was amazed at the back and forth debate amongst "scholars" and actual persons who participated in polygamist household's. Many of these people both "scholars" and non, believe polygamy is no longer needed in today's society and if it IS being practiced, it's only being used as "approved" sex with multiple partners on the part of the male. As a person who never grew up in a polygamist household, I didn't really feel right taking a position on the matter… at the time.

But I reflected

MY INTRODUCTION TO THE 'PRACTICE'

When I was a freshman in college (1993-1994), I attended an Intro to Speech class (required by the institution I attended). We were required to conduct oral presentations on topics of choice during every class. Little did I know the impact this (what I deemed at the time, unnecessary) class would have on the rest of my life.

A young man gave a speech on polygamy in African history and how it could benefit us (Africans born in America)today. Long story short, everything he said made sense to me. It seemed the ideal answer for the social and economic issues we were still suffering in this country. The astronomical amount of African American (AA) single mothers, the mortality rate of AA males, the limited/lack of communal bond amongst AA women, the epidemic of AIDS killing AA men, women and children, etc. The young, overly optimistic Sagittarian I was at the time, I promised myself that if I ever married, it would HAVE to be a polygamist household. It would be GREAT!!!! I would have co-wives/sister friends, we'd watch each others children, I'd have my own space/house, and if my husband got on my nerves, I could send him to the next wife, secure in his whereabouts with someone I trusted. I was actually fortunate enough to "finally" meet a man who not only agreed with my acceptance of polygamy, but whom also grew up in a polygamist environment. THIS thought process would play a vital role in the acceptance of a marriage proposal by this man, who is now my husband. (But I digress)

MY INTRODUCTION TO 'INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCE'

I did, however, grow up in a home witnessing the pain and anguish my mother went through dealing with the infidelity of my father and the progeny's that resulted from his affairs. Never taking into consideration 'human' behavior, I assumed acceptance of polygamy was also the answer to infidelity. I would later listen to stories from other wives and children of polygamist households and STILL hear of the same pain and anguish so familiar to me as when I was a child. How could this be?

Polygamy is still being practiced around the world, many success stories and many failed. But the acceptance of polygamy is vastly decreasing. In an age of "to each his own" , blanketed with "practice abstinence or you'll die of AIDS"…people don't seem to be left with a choice, BUT to keep "trying" and divorcing until they get it right. Leaving a slew of fatherless children, but it's OKAY, because we are STRONG "black" women and we can do it by ourselves.

Yes, we can. But I would have rather had a father who felt, IF NOTHING, some cultural responsibility to me and the woman who labored me into this world.

Bottom line, Polygamy is not about how many women you are "approved" to screw…I'm sorry…have intercourse with. It's an institution. An institution of marriage between one person and more than one spouse. Therefore it holds with it the same responsibilities, moralities and virtues as that of a monogamous marriage. Responsibilities that may never have to involve sex (if agreed by spouses involved) So it can work. As with any other marriage, it's up to the parties involved, men and women, to ensure that the work is put into upholding those responsibilities that keep the marriage together.


But I could be wrong.
Olori Ifetayo

LINK TO THE BLOG:
blog.myspace.com/index.cfm
the blog link